


tongue in chic

by PipTheMagnificent



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: #adamhateclub, Crack, Gen, Shindo Ainosuke | Adam Bashing, Shindo Ainosuke | Adam is a Little Bitch, a smidgen of ranga blink and you miss it, because FUCK adam, i'm sorry to anyone I offend with my sonic the hedgehog insult, the underage warning is just bc there's mentioned adam being a pedo, to all the people who are subscribed to me I am so sorry, wow I got to create that tag and i'm so happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PipTheMagnificent/pseuds/PipTheMagnificent
Summary: In which Adam is forced onto the runway, everyone loves catboys, and the skaters get some bonding time.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 11





	tongue in chic

**Author's Note:**

> I hate Adam.

Fireworks go off, a plane flies by, and Adam sky-dives in from the air. 

No one cares. 

S is a rushing mess of lights, cameras, and trailing yards of fabric being pushed around on skateboards. 

“I am here,” Adam pronounces dramatically, “To spread the love!!” 

Some middle schoolers in minecraft hoodies stare at him weirdly. 

“Who’s the old freak?” says the one on the right. 

“Dunno but he looks like a pedo,” says the other. They both burst out laughing. 

Adam slinks away from them, looking for some supple young minds to mold with his firm, long hands, as he would think, because he says everything like he is preparing to kidnap some kids off the playground. 

He finds Tadashi standing off to the side. 

“What is going on here?” He hisses. 

“A fashion show,” Tadashi says, even-toned as always. 

“S is a skateboarding competition!”

Tadashi shrugs. “Would you say physically assaulting someone with a skateboard is a good measure of your skateboarding skills?”

“Are you saying I should have lost my race against Cherry?”

Tadashi smiles primly. “Yes.” 

“You’re fired.” 

Tadashi huffs in relief and it’s like a weight is lifted off his shoulders. “Thank god.”

“Excuse me?!”

Tadashi leans in towards his face, eyes narrowed and lit with a nasty light. “I said thank god. You’re a pussy, you overwork me, you smell like a mixture of AXE body spray and dead racoon, and buddy, I’ve walked in on you jerking off to the Magic Tree House books YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE!” He starts to turn and walk off, but then spins and flips Adam off. “Gonna go work at Joe’s restaurant, bitch.” 

Adam trembles in anger. Who does this servant think he is! No matter that he taught him to skate, he doesn’t deserve anything from Adam!

He’s about to trot - trot, because a gentleman never runs - after Tadashi and give him a good piece of his mind (and possibly, his skateboard) when that red-headed kid who’s always around Snow walks up to him. 

“You’re up next,” he says, and tugs him towards the makeshift stage and runway. 

“Next for what?” Adam still has no idea what is going on at his beloved S. 

“The fashion show, idiot. Now stand there, shut up, and be ready to walk.” 

Adam stands there, shocked enough that he doesn’t even think about moving. 

Walking the runway right now is that cute kid Miya. He struts from side to side, skateboard under his arm. At the end, he stops and poses for a second, mimicking a little maneki neko cat figurine. The crowd of buff, ripped skaters cheer. Miya walks back to the top of the runway and stops near the judges table, where Langa, Joe, and Shadow sit, looking pleased. 

The crowd begins stomping their feet, creating a drum roll as all three judges scribble their scores on a sheet of paper. On three, they raise them. 

Perfect 10s across the board! The crowd goes wild! 

“Everyone loves a catboy!” Joe shouts, and the skaters begin chanting “CATBOY CATBOY CATBOY!” 

Meanwhile, Langa winks at Reki, hiding under the noise of the chants. “You’re already a 10 to me, babe, but being a catboy would make you an 11.” 

Miya blows a kiss to the crowd and skates offstage, landing gracefully next to Cherry. 

“And up next,” Joe announces, “We have Adam.” 

There’s silence. Someone literally drops a pin, and you can hear it. 

Adam walks up anyways, determined to give his best showing even if he’s been shoved into this farce. He waltzs down the runway, finally shifting from a Hisoka pose into a death drop at the top of the runway. 

There’s not a single cheer the entire time, and he feels like exploding in rage. These tasteless mutants, there’s not a shred of respect from any of them. 

He struts up to the judging table, waiting to get his tens. 

There’s a drum roll from the crowd, and this time, three consecutive zeros go up across the board. 

Adam shrieks as everyone begins cackling. 

“A ZERO?!” He clutches his hair. “THIS IS ART, this outfit is a MASTERPIECE!!”

“As if,” Langa says, rolling his eyes. 

“Your hair looks like a deformed Sonic the Hedgehog!” Reiki shouts from the side, and it sets off a storm of insults from everyone. 

“A-DAMN BOY that’s the ugliest thing i’ve ever seen!”

“You looking like an escapee from Gotham City! What are you, the Joker’s forgettable younger brother?”

“If I stuck you in front of a bull he’d charge!”

“Hearts on the shoes? So tacky, Valentine’s Day was weeks ago.” 

“The thrift store called, they want their trash bin back.”

“Why are you wearing Madonna’s cone bra on your shoulders, dumbass?”

“Those pants are so tight we can spot the raging boner you get every time you see a toddler from miles away.” 

“What’s with the mask? I thought dodo birds went extinct years ago?”

“Why are you wearing a tie? This isn’t a corrupt business meeting!!”

“I bet those boots are actually stilts, you have 5’0” energy!”

Adam, who has been turning redder and redder, explodes. 

“I MAY BE A PEDOPHILE AND I MAY HAVE ASSAULTED CHERRY AND OTHER SKATERS CAUSING THEM TO HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT NEVER- NEVER ATTACK MY FASHION SENSE! THIS IS MAGNIFICENT! IT IS PURE LOVE!”

“And…” Reki says, pausing the video he was taking on his phone, “We just got you in 4k hun!” 

The two middle schoolers from earlier, who were actually undercover cops, rush out from the crowd, shoving Adam into a pair of handcuffs and leading him away. 

The entirety of S bursts out into song, singing Kumbaya and rotating on their boards as the cop car drives away. 

This has given them plenty of bonding time, and every skater at S becomes closer. The goodwill only increases in the future, and it is the reason for the now famous annual Adam Hate Club Festival, where they laugh together at Anna Wintour’s scathing review of Adam’s outfit, throw darts at his mugshot, write angry letters to send to his cell, and stick tiny little voodoo dolls full of pins. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to murder adam say "aye"
> 
> [tumblr](https://pipthemagnificentwrites.tumblr.com/)


End file.
